Mister 420 (A Short Story)

Photo of a man wearing glasses, and a red shirt showing The Beast of Cairbanagh from Monty Python

I am a rabbit of a programmer. I deliver code fast and then take it easy while I test, tweak, and polish it. Oh, and I help the other programmers, usually tortoises, integrate with my spiffy, already working code. I am actually not that good of a programmer. My secret is that I smoke weed, travel to the future, and sneak a peek at the final code, before I've written it. This helps me write the code better.

Lately it appears to me that I would be better off using my inter-dimensional travel skills to score enough game points ( crypto or fiat currencies ) to attain Nirvana and free myself from the Matrix. Or maybe that's a money trap. Hmmm.

Anyway, I decided to run a scam to score some game currency. It's almost the oldest scam in the book. It works like this — you pick 1024 wealthy people as potential marks. You send half the marks ( 512 people ) the message: "Bitcoin will go UP tomorrow." And you send the remaining half ( 512 people ), the message: "Bitcoin will go DOWN tomorrow." Depending on whether Bitcoin goes up or down the next day, you follow up with the 512 people who got an accurate message. Repeat this procedure for 7 days, and you will have 16 marks absolutely convinced that you're a Prophet. Being the Profit seekers they are, they will gladly follow your sure-shot investment advice. Easy pickings from there on.

Cool, right? It doesn't work any more. In the Internet age, information travels fast, and if you try this scam today, you are sure to get exposed as a scammer.

So I toked up on some Blue Dream, revived this archaic scam, and took it to the Cosmic scale. Instead of picking 1024 people as my marks, I picked 1024 parallel Universes. You all were sent messages in 2031 other Universes ( 1024 + 512 + 256 + 128 + 64 + 32 + 16 - 1 ). After a week, I jumped to the Universe where all my predictions had come true. If you're reading this message, you are one of the lucky 16 people who happen to be in a Universe I chose to jump to.

Although I appear to be a true prophet in this Universe, I sometimes enjoy jumping to a Universe where I am a false prophet, a motley fool of an investment advisor who is so laughably and consistently wrong, that he is a source of valuable information to those who listen.

Why does this scam work on the Cosmic scale, and will it continue to provide material wealth forever to stoners and mystics everywhere? If people could talk to other versions of themselves, across parallel Universes, and warn themselves about this Cosmic scam, it wouldn't work. The more connected people are, the less likely they are to be scammed.

So how do we get connected and stop being scammed on such a vast scale? The answer, my friends is — "Everybody must get stoned!"

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